David Theiss

Just for the sake of clarity: the above picture is one of Tony Horton, not me. Just to clear that up.

In the days following the night of my engagement, I came to the horrifying realization that a wedding would inevitably be followed up by a honeymoon.  Honeymoons are typically spent in tropical environments, I’m told – with much of the time spent without a shirt.  It is during these times that your new wife/husband will want to take a few pictures so you can look back on these happy moments and see how much fun you had forever, and ever, and ever, and ever.  Which is exactly how long those pictures will last.

It was this thought, coupled with my bathroom mirror, that made me realize I needed to get in shape.

With the last meaningful exercise ending the second my feet hit the sand on my final long jump the week after I graduated high school, it would be accurate to say trying to be fit again was going to take a significant commitment.  I had tried going running, but the weather was cooling down and the prospect of running in sub 15 degree temperatures wasn’t appealing.  Appealing even less was the idea of paying $40 a month for a gym membership that would be used once a week at the most – and as I’m sure many people already know, spending money on a gym alone does not a good body make.

So, after waking up before 11 AM on the weekends, as I’ve been known to do recently, I stumbled upon a ridiculous infomercial for a series of workout DVD’s called P9ox.  While it seemed like being interested in the product was in and of itself getting scammed (infomercials just feel dirty), I eventually got interested enough to seek out the DVD’s (I got them for free – while I didn’t do this, rumor has it, they can be found at many local libraries – or on the Internet – that’s just what I’ve heard).  With my new fiance telling me she was really pumped to see me do my week of P7x and then quit, I committed myself to doing it, and low and behold, 90 days later I had done the entire “classic” workout.

Well, for the most part.

P90x is a six day-a-week workout schedule, coupled with an intense, comprehensive diet plan (which I didn’t even attempt to follow).  Various workouts target specific muscle groups.  Namely, core/abs, legs, biceps, triceps, chest, and back (with a little shoulder work sprinkled in).  The workouts are done at near break-neck speed and are comprised of a variety of moves.  But, just to clarify, I’ve provided a quick key to help you figure out how the workouts are done:

Chest workout = push-ups.  Back workout = pull-ups.  Arm workout = weighted curls/weighted “kickbacks.”  Leg workout = squats/jumps.  And abs, well…

Do this for 90 days and you’ll be ripped - or so the infomercials would have you believe.  So, 90 days later, am I ripped?  Quite honestly, the answer to that would be no.  But I have seen results of which I have never seen in my life.  I may be in the best shape of my life (I was in pretty good shape at various points in high school) and I feel as good as I ever have.  I have a little bit of abs where I’ve never had abs before – a little bit of muscle in my arms that I’ve never had before – muscle in my chest and back that I’ve never had before – and my legs feel as strong as they ever have.  The best part is, these results are done in your own home with the aid of virtually no equipment.  All you need is a pull-up bar ($30 at Target) and some dumbbells.  There’s really no other way to put it: while you may not see the results that you see on the infomercial, there’s really no way around it.  You will see significant results if you do the 90 day program.  You will lose weight, you will gain muscle.  There’s really no way not to.

The trick is sticking with it.  The workouts are hard.  They aren’t nearly impossible and if you’ve played any sport in your life you’ll find that there isn’t a workout that is any harder than your hardest basketball, football, or track practice.  For older folks who’ve haven’t worked out in 10+ years, I’d guess starting this program would be a little bit of a shock to your body – but it’s possible.  The video’s provide you with variations of each workout that allow people of different ability levels to modify so they aren’t expected to do plyometric push-ups in week 1.  Each day lends itself to a workout totaling about an hour.  As they say, “keep pushing play” and the rest will take care of itself.

I think what allowed me to keep going and really enjoy the workouts was the wit and wisdom of the lead trainer, Tony Horton.  First, the guy is yolked (as any fitness DVD personality would be – see above).  But in addition to that, he’s endlessly watchable, entertaining, and full of tips, tricks, and encouragement.  I’ve found from reading around the Internet that many find him incredibly annoying – I guess that’s why they let you mute his audio track.  But I love it.  All his stupid one-liners, all his accents, his douchey bragging and showing off – I love it all.  To see someone so excited and jacked to be fit and to be so committed to it, is honestly kind of inspiring.  It’s hokey, but it’s true.

The best recommendation I can give is this: after finishing my first 90 days, I’m genuinely excited to start again.  Since I didn’t take before-and-after pics, I guess I have an obligation to go through again to document my results.   But my first 90 results are undeniable and real – and anyone committed to do the program can do the same.  When I’m done with the second go-through (I’ll finish around the beginning of May) I’ll try to suppress my feelings of douchey-ness and post the pics.  Or maybe not.

Full Disclosure: I didn’t follow the diet plan or even try to.  I tried to eat better, but the dollar menu at Wendy’s can get the best of you sometimes.  I’m really hunkering down on my diet the second go-around.  We’ll see how that goes.  Also, one day of the week, the workout is a 90 minute yoga exercise.  It might have been my favorite workout.  Only problem is, I literally never did it.  The hour and a half time commitment is just too much, to say nothing of the fact that yoga is ridiculously hard.  I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I won’t allow myself to skip it when I do the program again – at least not all of it.

Also, I think it goes without saying, but there are a lot of bogus P90x reviews on the web, so for anyone that doesn’t know me or who I am: I AM NOT A BEACHBODY COACH.

Check back in 90 or so days and I’ll let you know how it all went.  But if you’re even kind of interested in the program, you should absolutely try it.

Starring: George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Jason Bateman

Directed by: Jason Reitman

Since this came out a few weeks ago, I won’t go into a big, long review or try to break the movie down all that much.  But for the sake of chronicling what movies I’ve seen, I’ll go ahead with a pretty quick review.

“Up in the Air” was great.  It stars George Clooney as Ryan Bingham - a guy whose job it is to fire people.  He’s called a “Termination Facilitator” and it’s his job to do the things that your spineless boss won’t: tell you that you’re (abruptly) out of a job.  He’s brought in by companies that are quickly downsizing – something that one would think is happening frequently these days.  Ryan follows a very strict lifestyle: he flies around the country for 300+ days a year – virtually living on a plane – and his only interactions are with the men and women he’s firing and his fellow nomads who he meets on hazy nights in hotel bars.  It’s a lonely life, but it is uniquely his.

The film is an interesting examination of a compelling lifestyle.  He’s not married but he has a family, though his two sisters really don’t know him.  It bothers him that he’s not close to his family, but that’s who he is.  Roger Ebert cleverly and accurately describes Ryan as “one of those people you meet but never get to know.”  He doesn’t apologize for this, but he’s never unlikable.  It’s just his makeup.  It’s in his DNA and he couldn’t get it out if he wanted to.

In all, the movie is extremely  poignant and topical.  It deals the realities of unemployment and hopelessness as it relates to losing your job in a really mature and sophisticated way. It is a movie that is perfectly married to the times and should be seen by everyone.  Clooney is great, the supporting cast who I haven’t mentioned here, is also great.  Jason Reitman, coming off of the success of Juno, has directed another interesting and important film.

Excellent, excellent work.

My Grade: A

P.S. Katie thought it was depressing.

“I’m not going to do this again anyway.”

Hilarious.

Google just came out with their self-proclaimed “superphone,” the Nexus One (pictured right) earlier this month and the Internet is abuzz with – well, a lot of buzz.  Reviews have been generally positive, but there are a number of nagging hang-ups that many people have with the device.  As many know, the Nexus One is available through the Google website only, and is sold unlocked for a billion dollars or with a two year contract from T-Mobile for $180.

I love cell phones.  As soon as I buy one, the first thing I do is try to get out from under my current contract so I can buy a newer, sexier model.  A eagerly await the date on which I can use my upgrade and generally pine for a new device every second of every day.  With that being said, I’m always seemingly getting punked by my wireless carrier: Verizon.  They turned down the iPhone when it first came out because they wanted it to be compatible with the Verizon music store instead of iTunes.  They shut out wireless compatibility and free GPS connections on their handsets for the longest time (until they just recently started to rethink their position).  They have yet to release a BlackBerry with WiFi (CORRECTION: The Storm2 has WiFi – but still, not an actual BlackBerry) and they reportedly passed on being Nexus One’s launch carrier.

For me, these turn of events would normally give way to extreme depression.  But when the Nexus One was finally announced, it was revealed that it would be available for Verizon in the Spring 2010.  So, unless the iPhone comes to Verizon before then (which it won’t), my decision on my next phone is super easy.  But, if I’m going to drop $200 on a new phone, I want something in return.  The following are my requests for the Nexus One when it is released for Verizon:

• Give people the option of buying the device in a Verizon store.  Or, at the very least, have a handset in the store for people to play with.  As much as I’ve bought into the new Google Phone, I want to at least touch it before I buy it.  Call me old-fashioned.
• Enable multi-touch.  For me, this isn’t a big deal, but it is to a lot of people.  Apparently gaming isn’t worth anything until you get mult-touch; also, for whatever reason, people really like to pinch when they zoom web page.  Look, if I’m not going to buy an iPhone, I want to buy the phone that kills it.  If multi-touch makes the Nexus One a better competitor, they best put it in there – and stat.
• Allow upgrading for family plans and don’t force a set plan on people.  The T-Mobile version forces people to get a one-size-fits-all calling plan with data and a set number of minutes for $79.99.  Google also doesn’t allow people on family plans to get the upgrade pricing for the Nexus One.  So, the only way you can get it the phone for $180 is to be on a cell plan with only yourself and be willing to swallow the plan they give you.  This is stupid.  You’re Google, you’re supposed to be about being open and honest.  This wreaks of a decision Apple would make.  And yet, they didn’t do any of this with the iPhone.  Lame Google.  Super Lame.
• Improve the casing.  The gray casing is kind of bland and I think the engraving feature on the back of the phone is really stupid and is a half-baked attempt at personalization and making something on the phone seem unique and iconic.  I want a phone that is as nondescript as possible.  The more it looks like a shiny black brick when it’s powered down, the more I want it.  Also, fix the camera lens size  - it looks ridiculous.  Having the phone say “Google” on the back is all the branding and iconography you need.  Traditional or otherwise.  Plus, John C. Dvorak says its as slippery as a “wet bar of soap.”  Though, he did also say that that mouse was a stupid idea when it was first released…
• Solve the service issues.  As with any high profile device launch there are going to be horror stories about people who spend their entire life-savings only to get a device that doesn’t work and a company that doesn’t want to help them.  I don’t know what the issue is with the sporadic 3G connections, but fix it.  You’re Google, you don’t make mistakes like this.  Palm can.  RIM can.  Not you Google.  Especially when you haven’t built up the goodwill like the aforementioned companies in the cell phone industry.  Your first impression is a little shaky.  Also, it’d be in your best interest to get a call center together to support the device (the only way to get a service question answered from Google is via e-mail – WTF?).  Either that, or allow people in the Verizon infrastructure to service and troubleshoot the device.  A product with no support is one that everyone hates.

At the end of the day, I’m hoping the T-Mobile version is treated more like a soft-launch for the big Verizon party that’s coming in the spring.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m probably buying this phone either way the second I can.  But Google would be smart to take some of these complaints to heart – the iPhone 4G is right around the corner.

P.S. – Update the music player.

I posted about these guys a few months back after NPR put their song “Charlie Darwin” on their best-songs-of-the-year-so-far list (it was in June or something).  What I neglected to post about after sharing two of their songs on my blog, was how much I absolutely fell in love with the band and their album “Oh My God, Charlie Darwin.”  Now, ever since my computer broke, I haven’t been able to listen to new music as much as I would like to, but from what I’ve heard this past year, “OMGCD” is my favorite album of the year, hands down.  It’s really quite amazing – and if you haven’t heard it yet (which I suspect many, if not all of you reading this, have not), it’s really worth a listen.  Their style varies wildly on the album between beautiful hymns (“Charlie Darwin”), quiet, heartland folk (“To Ohio,” “Ticket Taker”), to raspy Tom Waits-ian barroom jams (“The Horizon is a Beltway,” “Home I’ll Never Be”).  Each of them play a variety of instruments and are all extremely talented in their own rites.

The reason for the post is because I visited their website for the first time in months today, only to find they have some really big things going on.  The big things are as follows:

• They’ve released an amazing and beautiful video for the title song of the album which is embedded at the end of the post.  It’s vague in its meaning, but it fits the song to a “T.”  The first minute or so is absolute perfection as far as music video’s go – at least for me.  For my money, it’s an awesome video for the best song off the best album of ’09.
• The band is also embarking on an international tour which they are headlining!  The dates have all been set, and wouldn’t you know it, the Cleveland date is one of a handful of shows that are already sold out.  If you want to go with me and you can find tickets somewhere, let me know.  I saw them live in August and really liked it.  My company at the concert didn’t love them however, as their album didn’t even make his “Top Albums of ’09” list.
• And if that wasn’t enough performance news, The Low Anthem will make an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman this Thursday, January 14th.  If the band alone doesn’t warrant staying up until 12:35 AM, you can catch Dave’s other guest, Denzel Washington.  ”The Book of Eli” looks pretty decent.
• And to top it all off, it looks like they’re already underway in recording a new album.  From my quick scouring of their website, it would appear that they have commandeered an abandoned pasta sauce factory in Central Falls, Rhode Island to do their recording.  I would have liked to see them record their album in the back of the Great Northern Auntie Anne’s, but pasta sauce factory was going to be my second choice, anyway.

For me, this is all really big news.  So much exposure for My Favorite-Band-that-doesn’t-have-Bruce-Springsteen-in-it gets me really excited.  Now, if I can find one more person who likes them, my world will be complete.

The beautiful, awesome, touching, ponderous, amazing (adjective, adjective, adjective) video is below:

The popular refrain is that everybody on the planet basically has a Wii and nobody actually plays it.  That may not be all that far off, because I only really fire up my system to play five or ten minutes of the original Super Mario Bros.  When it comes down to it, I own a Wii only for games starring the big Nintendo flagship characters: Mario, Link (from The Legend of Zelda), and Samus (the Metroid series) – beyond that and the virtual console, my use for the Wii is pretty low.

With that being said, I played about 19 seconds of the New Super Mario Bros. Wii at Best Buy the other day when I was looking for a Blu-Ray to buy with a gift card I procured, and instead of buying the Blu-Ray disc, I opted for the video game.  I’m only a few worlds in, but I’m here to say that if you own a Wii and don’t play it or even really think about it like me, you should go out and buy this game.  It’s the essence of fun and it has a really cool multi-player element that is good for both really competitive players and for people who don’t really play video games at all.  And, at the cost I got it for ($39.99), it’s an absolute steal.

Sure, it’s basically Mario 3 with better graphics and a few new suits.  Sure it’s a game style that went out of style when you sold your Super Nintendo, but it’s fun and it’s awesome.  And in addition to all of that, it’s pretty hard.  So, if you’re worried that you’re too seasoned for a Mario game these days, you’re not.  They ramp up the difficulty pretty quickly – enough to keep veteran players interested.

So, go buy this game.  You spent $250 on a Wii  that’s doing nothing else except collecting dust.  It’s worth it – trust me.