David Theiss

On the continuum of things that make up the shared human experience, there are few pleasures (if any) that I would palce above one incredibly exciting and moving adventure: playing video games.  So, it would only stand to reason that there would be only a handful of events held around the world during the calendar year that could ever even hope to match the sheer coolness that is E3 – AKA The Electronic Entertainment Expo.  Every year, the three big console producers (Microsoft, Nintendo, Sony) and their third party developers present the blockbuster games and peripherals they plan to release in the near future.  This year, E3 will be held in Los Angeles on June 2nd through the 4th.   I’ll attempt to outline the really big releases that are expected to be showcased at this year’s conference – I’ll catagorize the releases by console.  Enjoy.

NINTENDO (Wii & DSi)

Wii Motion Plus

Nintendo will be presenting their much hyped controller peripheral that will supposedly allow for true 1:1 player to game movement – in other words, this will give gamers the control they thought the were getting when they first bought the Wii.  If your character is holding a sword, the movements you make with the controller in real time will be mirrored perfectly by the character on screen – or so they hope.  It will be bundled with a few different games this June and undoubtedly be gobbled up by millions of suburban families shortly thereafter.  But if third party developers can harness the power of this properly, it has the potential to be absolutely HUGE.

Wii Fit Plus

Publisher: Nintendo

Rumors are swirling that there’s another Wii Fit on deck that will be shown this year.  I never played the first Wii Fit, so I can’t offer much insight into the original experience or the upcoming release as Nintendo is keeping pretty tight lips (as usual) on what to expect.  Let’s hope the game has some real depth and is actually beneficial to your health and fitness to use – and not just a fun distraction like the first.

New Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Kid Icarus?

There are also strong rumors that Nintendo, after a pretty lackluster showing last year, is planning to play more to their “core gamers” by introducing a new game featuring one of their flagship characters.  Everyone wants more Mario, or more Zelda (with at least some tiny innovations, please!), more Metroid (aside from the Prime compilation), or a new  Kid Icarus.  I can’t to wait to see what the give us.

NOTE: Nintendo’s keynote address will be held at 9:00 a.m. PDT, June 2.

MICROSOFT (Xbox 360 & Zune)

Mass Effect 2

Publisher: Bioware

The trailer for this debuted a few months back.  I was late to the 360 party – I got mine this past Christmas – but I have the original Mass Effect and I love it.  I am eagerly awaiting the sequel.  The game designers have advised those who played the original to keep their save files as the decisions they made in the first game will influence their experience in Mass Effect 2.  Awesome.

Assassins Creed 2

Publisher: Ubisoft

The barrage of sequels continue.  I’ve heard pretty mixed reaction from the original game, but having never played it myself, I can’t offer an opinion.  That being said, there is no reason the concept for this game alone can’t produce a great experience.  Open world, free-roaming games are all the rage these days, but the world design and originality displayed in the first game sets this apart.  Let’s hope the execution is there.

Zune HD

This isn’t gaming related, but it’s a pretty big release so it’s worth mentioning.  The anti-iPod is getting a face lift.  I have an iPod so this does nothing for me.  It really felt to me that Microsoft is fighting an uphill battle with this product.  I’m sure it’s great, but Apple has such stranglehold in brand recognition alone: Mp3 player = iPod.  The OLED display looks pretty amazing though.  I’m sure there are other features Bill Gates and Co. have up their sleeves.

NOTE: Microsoft’s keynote address will be held at 10:30 a.m. PDT, June 1

SONY (PlayStation 3 & PSP)

God of War III

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

This is a huge release.  The PS3 really struggled out of the box due to a lack of killer apps and the ridiculous price point, but has really come on strong over the last six months.  This may be the title that forces a good chunk of the gaming public to finally go out and buy the console.  The first two games were absolute blockbusters with fans and critics alike.  This is exactly what the doctor ordered for Sony.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

I’m not sure how big a release this game actually is, but I’m pumped for it.  I played the first one only sparingly, but I like the concept and there seems to be a lot of potential here.  This is the Indiana Jones game that people have been waiting for since the NES was all the rage.  The PS3 lineup is looking strong.

NOTE: Sony’s keynote address will be held at 11:00 a.m. PDT, June 2.

MULTI-PLATFORM RELEASES

I’m sure there will be a new Madden and Guitar Hero/Rock Band releases this year, but I don’t care about those.  Here are some big games being released on multiple consoles.

MODERN WAREFARE 2 (Xbox 360 & PS3)

Publisher: Activision

A new Call of Duty by Infinity Ward.  Nothing else needs to be said.  Turn down the lights, and turn up the 5.1 surround.  It’s a freaking movie.

Bioshock 2 (Xbox 360 & PS3)

Publisher: 2k Games

The most artistically significant (even if the game play was pretty standard) FPS gets a sequel.  If it’s anywhere near as beautiful to look at as the first, this is a must buy.  We NEED a playable demo.

There are CERTAINLY other games to be seen and spectacle to be had at E3, but hopefully this is starter.  Keep up with everything live as it happens over at Gamespot.

I love video games.

What happened to the Cavs?

Once thought to be a lock for the NBA Finals (see: a previous blog entry of mine), they now find themselves on the brink of elimination at the hands of the Orlando Magic.  Once believed to be the best defensive team in the league, Cleveland now finds it appropriate to double off of some of the best 3-point shooters in the league (i.e. Rashard Lewis, Hedo “Turkey-Glue”) only to find themselves running helplessly toward them just in time to see the ball leave their hands on its way to the bottom of the net.  They have brought back the “oh-lay” defense of the vaunted Ricky Davis and Darius Miles teams of yesteryear, and allow bit players like Mickael Pietris look like Michael freaking Jordan.

So, I ask again: what happened to the Cavs?

Sadly, I don’t have the answer.  If I had to guess, I would say they are afraid of the big stage.  Remember, most players from the improbable run to the NBA Finals two years ago have left or are relegated to garbage minutes and spend most of the time warming Mike Brown’s bench.  LeBron and Z are the only two starters left that garner significant playing time: which means LeBron is the only player left from that Cinderella team that got out-classed by the San Antonio Spurs.  Sorry everyone, but Z is ready for the glue factory.  The Cavs better start looking for a new big man capable of holding his own in the post on offense and ready to body-up physical centers on defense.  There’s no way they get past the Orlando Magic without one.

Mo Williams looks scared.  Ever since he took that elbow to the dome he looks like a fifth grader who just got his lunch money stolen.  Delonte West is trying his hardest, but his skill will only take him so far – he’s a nice player, but the more I see of him, the more I’m convinced that he’s more than likely a very good back-up.  The highest paid player on the team (making $14 million a year), Ben Wallace, is playing serviceably as a defensive stopper, but has done something to put himself in the wasteland that is Mike Brown’s third rotation.

And Anderson Verajao.

Anderson is a great, great energy player.  When the team is executing the offense, he looks like a superstar.  He is one of the only Cavaliers that can cut to the basket and will regularly make LeBron’s passes looks like they came from Magic Johnson.  The only problem is that he’s a ridiculous spaz.  When the game is on the line, he can be counted on like clockwork to make at least one boneheaded foul (or non-foul as the case may be), jack up an ugly 15 foot jump shot, or mishandle the ball and give the opponents a nice fast break opportunity.  Verejao is looking more and more like a very good backup, as well.  He is not a prime-time player.

The Cavs need prime-time players.  Türkoğlu will be a free agent this off-season.  Does anyone think he’ll play as lights out as he is now in wine and gold?  I don’t.  What player can come in and fix this team? – because I think it is overly apparent now that they are still at least one piece away.  A bigger shooting guard – a physical center – a offensively efficient power forward.  The Cavs need all of these things and they need them all to play lock down man-to-man and overall team defense.

Speaking briefly on the defense: it’s a mess.  The Magic run the same variation of the pick-and-roll almost every play, or they throw it down to Dwight Howard, wait for him to get doubled, and toss it out to an open man for a wide open three.  It isn’t rocket-science.  I don’t have the answer on how to stop it, but then again I don’t get paid $1 million plus to scheme NBA defenses.

All I can think of is LeBron.  Poor guy has the weight of the most depressed city in the country (except for maybe Detroit) on his back, only to find himself on the brink of failure because of things that are completely out of his hands.  Namely, players pooping themselves once they get a face full of the bright lights that are the Eastern Conference Finals.

Also, just to be fair: holding the ball, or dribbling incessantly at the top of the key for 19 of the first 24 seconds of the shot clock, breaks the offense, LeBron.  Run the offense that got you here.  Please, run the offense.

It’s too bad that LeBron James seems to be the only one on a supposed “championship calibur team” willing to actually fight the Magic to keep his lunch money.

Here’s hoping for a miracle comeback.

Go Cavs.

Starring: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin

Directed by: McG

I don’t know how to start this review.  I saw “Terminator Salvation” today, and I know I need to write about it, but I’m not sure how to start.  I suppose I’ll say this: as a shot of helicopters flew into the distance, and the screen turned black to Danny Elfman’s POUNDING score, I turned to my dad and said, “That was horrible.”

“Terminator Salvation” is an utter disaster.  There is no story.  There is not one character the film creates independently of the other three.  Everything we like about John Connor is in the first three movies while everything that happens in Salvation makes you resent John Connor.  He is a boring, one note, zero-depth character.  Much of it is the script’s fault.  They give him nothing to do.  It’s also partly Christian Bale’s fault – he does nothing with it.  He screams and talks in his guttural Batman growls (for no apparent reason other than to be “intense”) while delivering lines like, “If we stay the course we’re ALL DEAD!” and, “If you’re listening to this, you ARE the resistance.”  Please.  There is nothing to this character.  No self doubt.  No hint of the crushing burden of the expectations laid upon him.  He does however look serviceable running around dark corners with a rifle and brooding over tape recordings of his mother.  THAT’S IT.  He also has a wife played by Bryce Dallas Howard who may or may not be pregnant.  I know her name is Kate from T3, but I’m not sure her name is even mentioned in this one.  It goes without saying that she does absolutely nothing in the film.  I think she’s a doctor.  Maybe.

Sam Worthington (who will be the lead in Jim Cameron’s “Avatar” this Christmas) plays a death row inmate named Marcus Wright who donates his body to Cyberdyne before his execution.  He resurfaces after a raid on the Skynet computers and starts an odyssey to find John Connor.  Worthington shows hints of charisma in the role, and basically succeeds at being morose throughout the entire movie.  He has a natural look to him even if he is overall pretty dreadful (especially in the film’s opening scene, “So, that’s what death tastes like,” WTF???).  Marcus eventually meets up with Anton Yelchin who plays John Connor’s future daddy, Kyle Reese.  Yelchin, who played Chekov in this summer’s Star Trek reboot, is the only character in the entire movie that seems to have a pulse.  The scenes with him seem to have an energy the rest of the film painfully lacks – I found myself wishing the movie spent more time with him mainly due to the fact that everyone else is so boring.

I can only go on for so long.  The script is garbage.  I’m not going to look up who wrote it because I don’t want to know.  There are no moments in this film.  Nothing memorable.  Nothing that adds to the lore or to the mythology that is the Terminator franchise.  Actually I’ll take that back, there is one moment.  The explanation of John Connor’s scars that are seen briefly in T2 is kind of cool (even if it’s almost ruined by Bale’s ridiculous screaming yet again).

There are gaping plot holes (how does Skynet know that Kyle Reese is John Connor’s father?).  I’m going to come out of the parentheses and ask again: how does Skynet know that Kyle Reese is John Connor’s father?  Think about it.  It shouldn’t know this information.  And even though it does, it behaves in ways that make absolutely no sense.  Skynet could kill Reese the second they find him and end the entire war.  But they don’t.  Also, if the Terminators are the most “efficient killing machines” Skynet makes, the why do they insist on throwing their most valued targets (i.e. John Connor) across the room instead of riping their throats out or breaking their necks?  It’s things like this that just add up to make the film almost entirely unbearable.

This movie is horrible.  It doesn’t deserve anymore words.  It hasn’t ruined the franchise but it’s come close.  I haven’t even mentioned the fact that it’s almost wall-to-wall action.  It’s basically a 2 hour and 10 minute migraine.  We should have known.  The second they hired McG, we should have known.  This movie is infuriating.

I will try to end on a positive note, and it is this: the visual effects are incredible.  Absolutely top-notch.  There is a moment near the end of the film that is a watershed achievement in how seamlessly it happens – it’s too bad that it’s absolutely meaningless and empty.  Those who have seen it know what I’m talking about.

Garbage.

My Grade: D

I promise single image posts won’t become the norm (the LeBron thing was amazing and had to be recognized).

But in any event, Happy Memorial Day.  Enjoy the holiday.

WITNESS

Lately, the hot-button issue in politics has been the contentious debate as to whether or not the detention center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba should be closed as it is scheduled to be (by Obama executive order) by next January.  Aside from the pretty standard political theater seen on cable news and on the floors of Congress, the debate was no more dramatically on display than this afternoon when President Obama and former Vice President Dick Cheney went directly at each other in a pair of speeches given at about the same time.  Now, I’m not going to go into the speeches in detail because after watching about 30 minutes of Laura Ingrahm filling in for Bill O’Reilly, and Kieth Olbermann delivering yet another Special Comment, I believe that the subject has already been covered pretty much ad nauseam.  What I will look at briefly is the strategy taken up by the former Vice President, and my general lack of understanding of the position held by conservatives in respect to the issue of laws, terror, and “torture.”

Tonight, Liz Cheney told Sean Hannity that her father was acting out of a “moral obligation” when speaking out on the subject of terror today – and in essence, speaking out against the sitting president.  The same guy who condemned democrats in congress for questioning then President Bush when he was outed by the New York Times and other publications for his abuse of powers.  The same guy who said America should be speaking with a single voice, and that those who dissented were spewing the talking points of, and aiding the terrorists – basically calling democrats treasonous.  He is doing the same thing.  He is doing the exact thing he condemned.

What does he think his latest “moral obligation” aids?  Is it American safety?  Well no, he doesn’t (and technically never did) have the authority to dictate and steer American policy; and the republicans are in no position to take this speech as marching orders and mount an organized effort of opposition to the president. Does he believe he is aiding the the Republican Party?  Can’t be that either, as he is the single most hated political figure in modern American history – a fact that is still valid despite the recent news that his approval ratings have risen slightly recently (a similar bump enjoyed by President Bush in the same time frame who remains in Texas – out of the public eye).  So, his new found visibility can do nothing but hurt the GOP’s cause.  Is he aiding in the repair of the Bush legacy?  I don’t think so.  President Bush is doing the smartest thing to rehabilitate his image by showing deference to the new president – these speeches and appearances on the Sunday talk shows make Cheney look small and powerless.

The answer to who Dick Cheney is serving is simple: it’s Dick Cheney.  Every politician, no matter how much they say to the contrary, is intensely conscious of their own legacy.  Given no post-office pump-up, Dick Cheney would go down as one of the worst VP’s in American history (and he knows it).  This is nothing more and nothing less than a desperate attempt to boost his own personal popularity using one of the only issues that that the GOP can still make a coherent argument on: we keep America safe, they don’t.  An argument soundly rejected by the American people at the polls last November.

The second thing that confounds me is the strategy.  No matter if you agree with it or not, waterboarding and all the other tactics carefully termed by the media as “harsh interrogation techniques” are now, and generally have always been, legally defined as torture.  That’s the law.  After 9/11 it was circumvented through the infamous Patriot Act and judges who rendered misguided legal opinions.  But before 9/11 and now, it is the law.  This was understood by countless international laws and treaties.  So, any arguments about the effectiveness of these techniques or the necessity of them are moot: they’re illegal.  More importantly they’re defined as torture in the publics’ collective consciousness – so why does the GOP argue IN FAVOR of something most say they find morally repugnant?  Republicans don’t quibble about definitions, they say it worked.  They don’t argue about whether or not these techniques are humane or safe, they say they were warranted so don’t ask questions.  Furthermore, people that dare to question have a “pre-9/11 mentality” – which implies that they are callous to the deaths of 3,000+ American lives and are inviting, if not yearning for, another attack.  Again, they are traitors.

This ridiculous argument and general mindset are best laid out by my favorite screenwriter Aaron Sorkin in an infinitely melodramatic, and endlessly exciting, famous monologue by Jack Nicholson.  We’ve all seen this clip.  Listen to the argument.  Listen to the argument he is trying to make.

John Adams said that we are a nation of laws, not a nation of men – and there is also the age old axiom that “the ends justify the means.”  Most people, I believe, agree with the former.  Dick Cheney is the embodiment of the latter.  What former Vice President Cheney is engaging in is a strategy for his own ostracizing historically as well as the continued weakening of the Republican Party.  It’s a losing strategy.

Another historical quote that applies here is this famous line from Benjamin Franklin: “They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”  This was jotted down in preparation for a speech on February 17th, 1775.

Today, on May 21st, 2009 – through the merits of Franklin’s quote alone – Dick Cheney deserves neither liberty nor safety.  But because we are at our fundamental core a nation of laws, he is entitled to, and will receive, both.

We are fast approaching June 1st, which will be the day Conan O’Brien will take over for Jay Leno as host of the long-famed Tonight Show.  Everybody has their own opinion on Jay Leno – and it has become increasingly hip and chic to berate him in favor of the lower rated, but more culturally relevant, David Letterman.  I personally enjoy Mr. Leno (I will say, overall I do prefer Letterman by far).  Even though his monologues are consistently inferior to Letterman, they can be funny the more the jokes fail – which Jay plays off of exceedingly well.  Jay generally gets better, more interesting guests as well (certainly due to the fact his interviews are nothing but a series of softballs), making the choice for people pining to see their favorite stars the week their big blockbuster comes out a pretty easy one.

Which brings me to the fact that when compared to either Leno or Letterman, I prefer Conan O’Brien.  He is hysterical, edgy, and overall pretty topical.  I think out of the four (Craig Ferguson included) 11:30 PM and after hosts, Conan has had the most memorable segments and celebrity guest encounters (he basically started the ridiculous Chuck Norris obsession, and does anyone remember his trip to Finland?) – Conan is frankly just the best.  It will really be something to watch how he transitions his younger, and at times, politically incorrect humor to a much larger and slightly older audience.  Hopefully, he won’t compromise too much.

The only reason I bring any of this up is the fact that a press release was issued today naming Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam guests on O’Brien’s first show.  And anyone who has seen Conan with Will Ferrell together knows it will be something special.

June 1st.  Tune in.

It’s beginning to look more and more like the Cleveland Cavaliers have no peers in this year’s NBA Playoffs.  While LeBron and Co. are blowing out any and everyone that is put in front of them, the once highly touted Lakers are struggling to put away the injury-depleted Rockets, and the Magic vs. Celtics series looks as if neither team even wants to win.  I suppose being the sacrificial lamb to Cleveland in the Eastern Conference Finals isn’t appealing to either club.

Surprisingly, since none of these teams still duking it out in their respective second round series’ seem to be as good as we were led to believe in the regular season, the only legitimate contender appears to be the Denver Nuggets.  The trade to acquire Chauncy Billups from Detroit was by far the move of the year (yes, even above the oft-celebrated Mo Williams deal), allowing Denver to unload the over-the-hill Allen Iverson and really get a tough, efficient player at the point position who can hold his own as an on-ball defender – something the run-and-gun Nuggets desperately needed.

With that being said, the way the playoffs are shaping up it appears there are two big winners: the NBA and advertisers.

If the Lakers put away the Rockets and the Cavs dispose of whoever they face in the Eastern Conference Finals like most expect, that means we get either a Lakers vs. Cavs Finals or a Nuggets vs. Cavs Finals.  While the NBA would like to see LeBron and Kobe going head-to-head, I think the Carmelo Anthony vs. LeBron James storyline could be just as interesting.  And the way both Cleveland and Denver have built their teams, it could set up a Magic/Bird-lite for many years to come.

Finally, the advertisers.

My, oh my.

Could they be pushing a Cavs/Lakers finals any harder?  First, there was this Vitamin Water commercial that pretty much implies the “inevitable” match-up.  Then, Nike seems to be rolling out a new campaign that centers around the two superstars.  Note to advertisers: there are other teams in the playoffs – hell, there are other players in the playoffs besides these two.  While, I guess I shouldn’t expect these companies to not roll out their biggest stars, doing it in this way minimizes the other teams that are more or less window dressing as the Cavaliers and Lakers march to an epic championship match-up that will undoubtedly make a lot of people insanely rich – or in most cases, make insanely rich people even richer.

With that being said, I think the new Nike commercials are hysterical.  They’re so funny in fact, I’ve embedded them below for you viewing pleasure.

Enjoy.

I am by no means a restaurant connoisseur.  I don’t regularly go out to really fancy or well reviewed establishments which is why I stopped short of calling this post a review.  But let me tell you, Lolita’s in Tremont is an absolute delight in every way.  Anyone in the greater Cleveland area who isn’t familiar with it (which, I confess, are few) should absolutely check it out.

As a disclaimer I will say this: I’ve only been to this restaurant a single time.  I walked in with my girlfriend and walked out with my new fiancée, so any hysterical raving should be taken with a grain of salt, I suppose.  But I would be remissed if I didn’t write a short something about it.

Lolita is one of the two eateries in Cleveland helmed by Iron Chef and recent Beard Award winner Michael Symon.  The other is the swankier and much more expensive Symon flagship, Lola – hopefully I can get there sometime in the future, as well.  This guy is pretty much world renown for his culinary skills, so right away we knew we were in for a treat.

I called for reservations the day of at about 3 PM and booked my table for the earliest available time which was 9 PM.  It was later than I wanted, but at such short notice, I didn’t complain.  Once we got there everything was great.  The atmosphere was absolutely perfect – quiet, but not awkward.  The lights are dimmed to create a nice relaxed atmosphere, and the service was superb without making you feel like the servers were always breathing down your neck.  I ordered one drink (the Great Lakes Brewery thoroughbred Dortmunder Gold – $4) while my then girlfriend Katie, opted for water.  We ordered as follows:

Me: Hanger Steak - chickpeas, skordalia and pickled chilis.  Side: roasted potatoes ($18)

Katie: Pork Chop – squash puree, apples, watercress.  Side: roasted potatoes ($17)

I will go into no further detail except to say we were both absolutely thrilled with the food.  I ordered my steak medium rare, and was served perfectly as such.  Being pretty picky, I even loved the chickpeas that it was served with.  Katie also loved her pork chop, and with squash being one of her favorite foods, really enjoyed the puree.  The roasted potatoes that we both chose as our sides were excellent as well.  It cannot be overstated: the food was, in no uncertain terms, fantastic.

In all, we were more than satisfied – great food and a reasonable price ($43 pre-tip).  Anyone in the area should absolutely go.  Michael Symon is a local guy and believes in Cleveland enough to put two great restaurants in it.  Support the city when you can.

As each post should have picture, I’ve posted a shot of me and my fiancée shortly afterwards in front of the entrance.

We were happy.

Website: http://lolabistro.com/

When I read the post title for this on Ain’t It Cool News I thought to myself, why hasn’t this happened sooner?  And why hadn’t I thought of it before now?

Teaming up Larry David and Woody Allen seems like a perfect marriage.  I will admit now that I’m only partially familiar with Woody Allen and his work (yes, embarassing), but I do know and love Annie Hall and enjoy the few other films of his that I have been able to see.  He’s a brave artist and I understand his appeal as well as the appeal of the examination of the human neuroses.   He is both widely respected and critically acclaimed – and although I am just a fleeting acquaintance of his body of work, it is far beyond me to question him.

Which brings me to Larry David.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is one of my all-time favorite TV shows.  I think Larry David is a genius – both as a writer and as a comedic actor in his own right.  He has created two (Seinfeld, Curb) of the definitive comedic sitcoms of our or any generation.  Which then leads me to believe that when these two legends decide to make a movie together – you pay attention.

Check out the trailer – if you don’t laugh the second Larry David says something, I honestly question your humanity.

UPDATE: Whatever Works will be released on June 19th